Smoke and Shadows
by lostsoul512
Summary: So I focused on the touches, because at least those were real. For now, those were all I had left.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, this is my first fanfiction in forever and a day. Oh well. JackXXRalph, sort of follows the story line. But not really. Dedicated to my bestest friend Sheridan, who has been tolerating my LotF obsession for weeks. Enjoy 33**

Bare skin brushed below the moonlight, each stolen kiss setting new fires ablaze within me. Behind me I could hear the waves as they crashed into the sand. Once it had all seemed like a paradise. Now it was stained with blood.

"Oh, god," he whispered, his breath hot against my ear. I closed my eyes, fisted my hands into his tangled hair. It was longer now, falling into his face sometimes when he leaned into me. But behind the sheath of twisted strands he was still the same as ever.

There wasn't much I was certain of these days. I knew that everything was falling apart around us, crumbling right into the sea. It would disappear below the treacherous surface and never be seen again. Yes, I knew that everything was falling apart, and that it was probably all my fault. Yet I was clinging to this cruel hope that surrounded me. The one saying that maybe it would be alright.

Or maybe not.

So I focused on the touches, because at least those were real. For now, those were all I had left. The broken gasps, the mist that hung about us all. The arms that wrapped around me as tightly as they could, holding onto me too. Because I was the only thing they had left too.

XXX

I awoke to the sound of laughter. At first I was sure I was still asleep, for I didn't understand how anyone could be laughing in a place like this. The sun was shining overhead, but there was a darkness that stuck to everything. Especially me. Then I realized it was just a few littluns, playing in the sand like they did. And I knew I wasn't dreaming then. We were here. This was real.

"Hey," a quiet voice spoke from somewhere beside me. I pushed myself up into a sitting position, rubbing the lingering traces of exhaustion from my eyes, shaking the sand from my tufts of red hair. It was just long enough to fall into my eyes, enough to drive me crazy.

Ralph offered me a weak smile, one I couldn't bring myself to return. Memories of my dream flooded my mind, of the moonlight and the hushed moans. "How'd you sleep?" He asked me, even though we both knew the answer to that particular question.

"Better than usual," I told him softly, remembering the perfection of my dream. A secret glance was exchanged between us. It said more than our chapped lips ever would. I felt the corners of my mouth being tugged upward by some unknown force. I didn't want to think about that just then. I didn't want to think about any of it.

I wasn't quite sure how long we'd been on that godforsaken island. Everything was sort of starting to blur together, moments mixing into one unending daydream, in which I was alone in the world, completely alone, but he was here too and so it was not so very bad. Ralph was still staring at me, like he was searching for something behind my vacant stare. I didn't have the heart to tell him he wouldn't ever find it.

The blonde boy looked as if he might say something else, something meant for my ears only. Or maybe he'd only go on about the shelters and his precious fire. Those were his obsessions, the reasons he tossed and turned through the cool nights. But then another figure was approaching us, and so we both stayed silent. A shadow fell over me, all things dark and menacing cast by a single presence. Something like fear ran through my veins, but it disappeared quickly. I didn't get scared, not of anything. In this surreal world we lived in, being brave was the only option there was.

"Jack," he greeted lowly, his voice edged with hostility. He was watching me with lifeless gray eyes. I thought that maybe the island didn't have much to take away from him. Maybe he was already empty and cold.

"Roger," I replied easily. Ralph shifted his body uncomfortably, digging his fingers deeper into the sand upon which he sat. "What's up?"

Through narrowed eyes and black hair that surrounded his angular face, Roger gazed down at me. The skin at the tips of his fingers was bloody. I didn't dare to ask him why, because I doubted I'd like to hear the answer. It was all I saw when I looked at him. "We're all hungry, Jack. We need to try and hunt." He said it to hurt, to remind me that I hadn't been able to kill the first pig we'd found. That something had held me back.

I nodded, perhaps too quickly. Too eagerly. Some emotion I couldn't quite decipher flashed across his face. Like approval, maybe, or a demented excitement of his own. Despite the heat of the sun beating down upon us, a chill ran through me. When I glanced over at Ralph, he had lowered his own gaze to his lap. He kept folding and unfolding his hands, pausing sometimes to nervously brush some hair away from his face. He was looking anywhere but at me.

Moke


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Woahh, it's been so long since I've done this that I totally forgot my disclaimer. Obviously, I don't own Lord of the Flies. Howeverr, either Jack or Roger is utterly entitled to own ME. That is all. **

This is how it went: when the plane crashed on the island, everything had seemed perfect. We had this vast expanse of uncharted territory to call our own. We could do anything we wanted, and there wasn't a single person who could stop us.

But that had been ages ago, or at least it felt like it had. Now we had begun to realize the severe truth of it all. The island was far from paradise. We'd already managed to destroy half of it within our first days here. When I closed my eyes I could still feel the hot sting of the raging fire. And being on our own was the hardest part of it. Because sometimes people just aren't strong enough to save themselves. Sometimes we need someone to do the saving for us.

I was thinking about that while I sharpened my spear, wondering who would be there to save me, when it all came down to it. My knife felt heavier in my hand than it ever had before. Roger was sitting on the ground beside me, cross-legged and focused on the way his own blade ran across the wood. Reveling in the slicing sound like it was some sick lullaby, singing him right into a dreamless sleep. A slight smirk had consumed his lips.

And then there was Ralph. He was off somewhere else, probably with Piggy or Simon or one of the others. They were always so worried about keeping everything just right. Perfect. Ralph was their leader, pretending to be fearless as he quivered and fought just to hold himself together. I wondered if they could see it in his eyes the way I could. Or maybe it was a feeling he kept reserved just for me. Fear.

"Are you ready?" Roger asked me then, tearing me from my trance as he rose to his feet. I nodded my reply, because I just didn't think I'd be able to speak. Except I knew it was a lie, whether he could tell or not. I kept my head down, knuckles white against my makeshift spear, as I led the hunters into the darkness of the jungle.

XXX

Adrenaline. Pure, heart-pounding adrenaline. It drove me deeper into the woods, darting around trees and leaping over gnarled masses of creepers. I was an animal, one with the world that surrounded me, that seeped into my body and completely overtook me. I was the shadow passing through, gone before one could be certain it was ever there to begin with.

There were times I loved this island. Times when I was throwing myself between the bushes and vines, moving so fast I couldn't even see. It was in those moments when I was free, when the pain ceased to exist and the dull throbbing in my heart vanished.

We were running faster than we ever had before, following a pig into the depths of the jungle. Back on the beach, Ralph and the others watched over the littluns. They had no idea how it felt to become a part of the island. They were too busy fighting it off, grasping for some remnants of the world left far behind us. But the hunters were crying out with a newfound joy, because we no longer felt the chains.

"Jack," one boy hissed, pointing into the blackness with his spear. Funny, I didn't even know his name. I just knew that he followed me and smiled with a shy longing for approval. For me, it was enough. I slowed my steps, stopped breathing as I approached the shaded place. Became one with the island again, instead of getting distracted with thoughts of Ralph.

One swift motion. And then I was upon the pig, and she was squealing bloody murder. The cries echoed off the trees, filled the jungle and consumed me. I thrust with my spear at her soft flesh, stabbing and groaning as that feeling of euphoria fell over me. For once I was totally in control, totally on top of the situation. For once I could stop things from falling apart.

Roger edged up next to me, his own spear grazing the pig's skin slowly. Through the raw passion of the moment, I looked to him and smiled. Because he was the only other person on this damn island who understood it, who felt that same rush of bliss every time the sow screamed out in pain. I angled my body to let him in. Roger fell into pattern with me, piercing the pig straight through. Then I cut the throat, and the moment ended as her blood spilled over her and us and the ground.

With heavy breaths I stood up, dropping my spear onto the dirt. I was gasping for air, breathlessly staring down at what I had done. A grim grin came over my lips. What I had done. Roger was still on his knees beside the pig, rubbing his blood-coated hands together. I bent over to rub my fingers through the dirt, a place still unstained by the crimson red. Streaked the dirt across my face a little. It was just enough to hide behind.

"Pick it up," I commanded to no one in particular. Not that it mattered; they all rushed with eagerness to lift the pig, to carry it back to the shore. I stood over them, surveying the madness and finding some warped comfort in it. Then we started out of the dark, back towards the ethereal glow of the beach.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Still don't own LotF…sigh. **

When we emerged onto the white sand, it was to a strange silence that had befallen the others. I led my procession with a kind of dignity that couldn't be matched, not by anyone. The others were close behind, hauling the dead body of the pig as they sauntered along. Roger was at my side, the apathy returned to his gray eyes now that we'd returned to the sunlight.

Ralph was sitting with his head in his hands. Some surge of emotion went through me at the sight of him, one I couldn't quite explain. Like sadness, only not. Like envy at his ability to hold things together, at least a little bit. Like anger at him for being the leader when all he'd done was build a fire and I was the one feeding us all.

Only not.

"I killed a pig," I told him excitedly, hoping to spark something in him. Anything, really; I didn't care what. None of the other hunters tried to share in my glory, letting me take all the credit as if they hadn't even been with me. "I killed one."

Ralph raised his head slowly, and what I found in his pale green eyes sent a shiver through me. Raw enmity resided in those eyes, a fury not even I could match. And it scared me a little, seeing Ralph like that, because he was supposed to be the one who stayed composed no matter what happened. I was the one who let my feelings get the best of me. Ralph was the one who did what he was meant to.

"You let the fire go out," he hissed. My eyes went wide in desperation. This was not how I had imagined it. Ralph was supposed to be estatic at my success. Perhaps he would stand and dance with giddiness, and we would all laugh like nothing mattered. We would cease to be divided by whatever kept us apart. We would be happy.

Instead he was staring at me like he'd never seen me before in his life, stabbing me with his poisonous gaze just as I'd stabbed into the dead pig. I was well aware of the others behind me, waiting anxiously for what might come next. And I was remembering my dream, fighting off laughter because it was just so ridiculous.

"But I…I killed-"

Ralph rose to his bare feet in a flourish of power, a grand gesture that brought him only inches away from me. I could feel his breath tickling my face and neck, just like in my dream. Only not.

"Do you _want_ to die here?" He demanded with a roar. "Don't you want to go home?"

I grasped into the nothingness for the words to say, except none would come and I was frozen where I stood. Of course I wanted to be rescued. Of course I wanted to go home. But the fact of the matter was that we were stranded here in the middle of nowhere; no on in the world even knew about us. And a fire wasn't going to take care of anything, really.

"Ralph," I tried, hating the pleading tone of my voice. Weak. Pathetic. Yet I was begging him not to be angry, even if I wasn't saying it outright. "I killed…I got us food…" I knew it wasn't much of an argument, but I also knew it was the only one I had. Ralph was still standing, motionless, with a thousand kinds of anger in his eyes. And I hated myself then, and I hated him too. Only I didn't, really.

"You let the fire go out," he said again, and I thought in that moment that a bit of his own fire had gone out. The one keeping him strong.

"You said you'd keep the smoke going." For the first time I noticed Piggy, standing off to the side of his trusted leader. He was huffing like his asthma, or whatever, was acting up, glaring at me through his glasses. I scowled at him for everything he was. Now there was a hate that was real. Already I could feel some immense frenzy building inside me.

I wasn't quite sure what happened, because one second I was standing with hands clenched into tiny fists at my sides, and then next I was upon him, punching him with all the force I could muster. Piggy gasped and cried out at the pain of it, stumbling backwards. I kept on him, closing the distance, hitting him again in the side of the head. Yelling words I didn't actually hear.

Everyone fell silent around us. The island was still, at peace. At least for now. But this was only the beginning, I realized, and we couldn't ever turn back from here. Piggy scrambled to retrieve his glasses; one of the lenses hung, broken and cracked, from the frame. "Just you wait," Piggy muttered, but he was still in a heap on the ground. No, there was no more pretending that this was all just some game. In the distance, a littlun let out a scream.

Without a second thought, I took off running down the shore. I never looked back and not one person came after me.

XXX

I was watching the waves slam into the shore like they did, watching and waiting and wishing I was anywhere but there. I had never felt so alone in all my life, even if it had barely begun. God, that thought alone sent me into a rush of trembling sorrow. With a shaking body I lay down on the coarse sand, cradling my head in my arms. A few stray tears dripped down my cheeks, but I wiped them away quickly enough to pretend they'd never been there to begin with.

"Dammit," I whispered. It was all I could think to say. When I closed my eyes I could still see the way Ralph had stared at me, all the loathing pent up inside of him. It was all for me, that hate. I'd have done anything to change that. And the others…they probably all hated me too. I remembered once, before all this started, when they choir had gone out for lunch. I remembered laughing with Simon, teasing him about one of his episodes. But it was the kind of teasing that occurred between friends. Because I was all on my own, I spoke aloud. "I really did mess it up…"

"Talking to yourself usually isn't healthy."

The quiet voice behind me caused me to jump, leaping to my feet and wiping my face on the back of my hand. The dirt and dust stung at my eyes, but I barely even felt it. I barely felt anything.

Ralph stood a few feet away, hands clasped in front of him. His head was down but he was looking to me through his lashes, his expression a strange mixture of hurt and nervousness. And something else, maybe, but I wasn't quite sure.

"What do you want?" I demanded. The words came out harsh; I regretted it instantly. Ralph was here when no one else was. I should have been at least a little grateful. Instead I was hiding behind this façade, this mask of darkness and anger.

Acid flared up in Ralph's pale eyes, but he managed to get it under control with ease. That would always be the difference between us. I was standing with arms crossed over my chest, frowning because I didn't want him to notice the way my heart was thudding away in my chest. Or the way I couldn't keep my eyes from straying over his body, taking in all his strength. Oh, to be like that, able to keep things from crumbling to dust…

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Ralph said at last, lowly. He wouldn't quite bring himself to meet my eyes. Tentatively I took a step towards him. Now there was less than a foot between us, and if I'd really wanted to I could've reached out and touched him. I stayed still.

"Why do you care?" I asked, without the sneering tone. These words were softer, gentler. Ralph raised his eyes to meet my own, faded green against vibrant blue.

"Because," he whispered, a voice so audible I had to strain to hear it. "Because I have to. And not just because I'm the leader, not just because I want us all to make it home. I have to care about you, Jack, because we have a connection that neither of us can deny."

I felt my breath catch in my throat at the raw honesty of his words. Ralph blinked a few times like he was trying to keep some emotion from creeping into his eyes. "Oh, Ralph…" I murmured, or maybe only thought I did. Then, without any hesitation whatsoever, I leaned into him, and I kissed him.

Everything in the world stopped moving, stopped existing. There was only me and him and this perfect moment I never wanted to end. And I knew it was cliché, but I didn't even care, because it was real. My dream had turned to real life. Ralph was frozen with shock for but a second, and then his body melted into my own as he fisted his hands into my hair. I bit down on his bottom lip before pulling away, and then we stood blinking in the moonlight. We were unsure what to do, to say, but it didn't matter because my hands were still lingering on his arms, and his lips were still parted.

"Jack," he whispered, but I shushed him quickly. Words would only ruin it. Before I knew it, his lips had broken into a small smile, and then laughter poured from them. It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard, so I laughed too, and everything was right as it should have been. Maybe we were lost and alone and scared as all hell. But everything was right.

Ralph pulled me back to him, tucking my head beneath his chin. Absently he stroked my red hair, crushing me against him. For once it felt nice to have someone hold me and protect me. To allow myself to be that vulnerable. But it was over much too fast. Ralph let me go; I stumbled a little without his support to hold me up. With wide eyes I watched him watching me, wondering what he was feeling.

"I should go back," he muttered eventually, glancing out towards the ocean. It seemed to go on forever, endless as it surrounded us. "They'll be wondering what's keeping us."

I let out a hollow laugh. "If only they knew," I said under my breath. Ralph almost shuddered at the thought of it. A pang went through my heart, a fear that it had been meaningless and thoughtless.

As if he could sense that in me, like he could feel my emotions himself, Ralph stepped forward to rest his hands on my chest. His fingertips were smooth, sliding over my scarred skin. "Come back with me," he pleaded softly. "They wont say anything if I tell them not to. They respect my decisions."

_Not all of them_, I thought, but I didn't have it in me to say it aloud. Ralph's eyes were wide, mournful, begging.

"Okay," I whispered. Because I couldn't no. Not when my heart was thudding in my chest and I knew he could feel it reverberate through his hand. Ralph's lips gave way to a smile, one hand reaching up to push some blonde hair from his slender face.

"Kiss me again," he spoke quietly, adverting his gaze as a slight blush crept over his cheeks. With a crooked grin I pressed my lips to his, tightly holding him against me. A shiver up my spine as Ralph drew his tongue across my bottom lip.

When it was over, Ralph linked his fingers with my own, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "C'mon," he said, and we started off down the beach, towards the glow of the fire that could barely match the one burning in my heart.


	4. Chapter 4

**A****/N: Thanks to CircadianLily for all the reviews. You're motivating me to post the rest of this story, which is actually completely written now! I still don't own Lord of the Flies, but it's quite possible that it owes me. **

"Ralph! Thank goodness you're back."

"We were getting worried-"

"-Thought something bad happened."

Ralph stepped into the light of the dancing flames, his hand brushing against my own as he passed. A chill coursed through my veins, even with the heat of the fire so close. I stayed back from the group, watching as he smiled at Samneric, as he ruffled a littlun's hair.

Simon lightly touched Ralph's arm, passing him a piece of meat. It took all I had to stay where I was as they devoured the pig. My pig.

"Jack."

Everyone went silent as their eyes strayed to where I stood, arms crossed to say I didn't care about the hate seeping from them all. Or to hold myself together. I wasn't quite sure.

It was Roger who had spoken, Roger who was staring at me with some twisted combination of emotion. But I barely even registered him. I could only watch Ralph, gauge his reaction. Take in his every move because he was just so beautiful, with the firelight dancing across his face and the orange light from the fire outlining his bare chest. Ralph was beautiful, and that was all there was to it.

To my surprise, and probably everyone else's Ralph smiled a little. "Come join us," he invited, holding up his chuck of meat as if in offering. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of it all, but I maintained a fierce expression as I dropped beside Roger.

The black haired boy smirked as he passed me some meat. "I gut the pig," he said proudly, but the sidelong glance I shot him made his smile falter. "I mean, uh, well you weren't here…" In spite of myself, I shrugged and took the meat from his hands. I thought that Roger might have sighed a little in relief.

A strained quiet had fallen over our unlikely group. A few littluns started to laugh about nothing whatsoever, but Roger silenced them with a single glance. I picked at my meat nervously, hoping the smoke and shadows would mask my anxious expression and the way my eyes kept straying to where Ralph sat. Piggy and Simon were at his side as always, the three companions talking in hushed voices that the hunters couldn't hear.

"Something's bothering you," Roger grumbled, just barely audible over the cadence of our group. I angled my body so that I could better see him in the dark. He had a tendency of blending right into the night, only his scarred, alabaster skin glistening in the ethereal light of the moon. Something in his comatose eyes said that he was begging me to trust him, if only so that someone might.

A delicate sigh pushed its way from my lips. Of course I couldn't tell Roger. I couldn't tell _anyone_. They all thought I was cruel and heartless. But with Ralph…things had seemed different when I'd stood with him on the beach. "I haven't sung since we got here, you know," I murmured. It was more to myself than to Roger, but it didn't stop the confusion from spilling into his expression. Like he just didn't understand what a big deal that was to me. Or how everything that had once been important was slipping so far from us.

"That's all?" Roger's disappointment was evident Good, I thought, because maybe then he wouldn't ask me anymore questions I wasn't not allowed to answer.

"Yes," I snapped, much too quickly. His gray eyes were disbelieving, but instead of pressing me he only ripped another chuck from his meat with his teeth.

It was growing unbearable, really, the shaking within me growing stronger. I knew I needed to get out, away from the fire and the way Simon kept giggling at everything Ralph said. Away from the littluns who were shoving each other, before one of them fell into the flames and was swallowed up. Roger must have sensed that urgency upon me. His fingers reached out to idly grab my wrist, but it wasn't gentle like when Ralph had touched me. It was rough and demanding.

"Let's go," he whispered, leaning his body in closer to my own. "Let's go kill something."

So I let him pull me to my feet, away from the others. I thought I could feel Ralph watching me as we vanished down the shore, and although every fiber of my being was screaming out to him, I pressed on in silence. Sometimes that was all there was to do.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I really like this chappie, so I hope you will do, if you're actually reading this. Also, I'm open to suggestions for new LOTF stories, so if you wanna see it, lemme know. XD Much love. **

The jungle was black around us, gnarled and ensnaring. For once I let Roger lead me along, let him keep his fingers wrapped around my wrist and pull me away like a pig to be slaughtered.

I should have been concentrating on where I was going, watching to make sure I didn't trip on any creepers. But it was so dark I could barely see, and anyway my mind was still consumed by thoughts of Ralph. The way his fair blonde hair fell into his eyes, the way his whole body had melted into me when we kissed.

Kissed. Yes, Ralph and I had kissed, and I couldn't even bring myself to care if it was wrong because I had never felt so fragile in my entire life as I had in his arms. Breakable, yes, but strong too.

The memories plagued me just enough for me to trip on a fallen branch and stumble down to the ground. I nearly managed to catch myself, but wound up on my back instead. Roger let out a small gasp as the impact brought him down with me. I groaned as his head collided with my own, and then we merely lay there, amidst the mud and vines and insects. A piece of Roger's black hair had fallen over my face, tickling at my cheek. I brushed it away and started to sit up. The motion sent a shooting pain up my back, so in the end I stayed where I was.

"You okay?" Roger murmured. Through the gaps in the leaves I could see a few stars piercing the sky. Everything else was black. I shuddered as I remembered the beast the littluns had cried about, but shook the ridiculous thoughts away quickly.

Roger had rolled over onto his stomach, propped his head up with his hands. His face hovered a few inches about mine, and as he stared down at me his hot breath teased my cheeks and neck. His dark, depthless eyes kept scanning over me, like they were trying to memorize every part of me.

"I'm fine," I spat, trying to roll myself over so that he wasn't so close. Only I couldn't because of the way it hurt to move, because of the rock or branch or whatever stabbing into my back.

Roger's face contorted a little as he watched me cringe; I felt some of my own unjustified hostility towards him fade away. Of everyone on the island, he was the most loyal to me, the one who followed my every move. The others still turned to Ralph, even if he hadn't done much of anything to help them. Ralph, who was snaking his way into my thoughts again…

"I'll go get help, and-"

"No," I growled, cutting him off. No, I had worked too hard to make my every move seem effortless. If I were to ask them for help they wouldn't ever let it go. I was Jack Merridew, dammit, and I didn't need anyone. Well, mostly. Roger nodded like he understand all of this, when I doubted he had any clue at all.

"Then I'll just stay here with you," he decided. I knew that nothing I could say would change his mind, and also that I didn't really want to be alone. Not in the dark, in the jungle, where anything might be lurking. Roger settled down into the leaves beside me, his chapped lips dangerously close to my shoulder.

I tried to close my eyes, to make believe I was anywhere else. Back on the beach, perhaps, with Ralph so threateningly close instead of this apathetic creature whom no one could ever save.

But sleep wouldn't come and I was having a hard time focusing on anything. The pain was extraordinary, the sounds of the jungle ringing in my ears. A sigh slipped from my lips as I tried to relax, tried to let go of it all.

And then, before I knew what was happening, a sharp pain shot from my shoulder, resonating throughout my entire frame. I let out a feral scream, all the hurt in my back forgotten as euphoria spread to numb my body.

"What the hell?" I snarled, fingertips flying to my shoulder. They came away sticky with warm, copper blood; it spilled out from a row of tiny pinpricks.

Roger stared up at me with wide, melancholy eyes. They gave nothing away, those eyes. I thought he might say sorry, or anything at all. But, no, he merely lay there with blood coated lips. My blood.

"What was that for?" I growled at him. I knew that once the adrenaline wore off the pain would return ten-fold. For now I was breathing heavily, staring him down. Roger didn't even flinch, didn't break down or turn away. He continued to lay among the leaves and dirt and shadows. Watching me, gaze raking over my body.

"Answer me, dammit!" I shouted. Absently I wondered if they could hear me back at the beach. If they were sitting motionlessly, straining their ears to listen. But the effort it had taken to scream caused the pain to return, and I felt my body collapse into the hard ground.

Roger propped himself up on his elbows almost instantly so that h was above me again. Like whoever was further from the ground was in control of the situation. "Oh, Jack," he spoke softly, a hollow laugh crawling up from somewhere within him. "You just don't get it."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Wow, guys, thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I should have the whole story up this weekend, so be excited :DD Still dont own LotF, sadly. However, I do have a few ideas for my next story about these addictingly irresistable boys... Anyway, enjoy! XD**

Fire danced around us as his fingers caressed my skin, traced all the curves and contours of my body. We were engulfed in the heat and the red-orange glow, shielded by the smoke clouds in the air. Whispered words fell from my lips, lost to the passion of the moment. I was drowning in the ecstasy, the thousand kisses planted down my neck, across my chest…

"Jack. Wake up."

My eyes snapped open to see a figure standing over me, silhouetted by the sunlight. Within a second all of my pain came flooding back to me, the tenderness of my shoulder and the hurting in my back. My head was pounding; every breath I took filled my body with agony.

"Damn," I muttered, easing myself onto my feet. I couldn't show the others any weakness. I just couldn't.

"Are you alright?"

Oh, right. I'd completely forgotten the figure beside me, whose hands were clasped in front of him and whose voice was laced with concern. Ralph tilted his head a little, licked his lips as he eyed me over.

"You look like hell, Jack," he told me bluntly. "Why'd you take off into the jungle last night?"

I scowled at him, pushing my thick red hair out of my face. "Because," I huffed. I wasn't about to go and tell him the truth. In the back of my mind visions of my dream replayed.

But Ralph was determined to get it out of me. he closed the distance between us until our chests were almost pressed together, his pale eyes wide and lips trembling. "You could've gotten hurt," he said. "Or worse." His gaze flickered away, but instead of locking with my own again, he stared at the wound upon my shoulder.

"Something bit you." It wasn't a question, not the way Ralph said it. There was sincere worry in his voice. It was probably for his precious tribe; I knew that. But I so wanted to believe it was for me. "What happened? Is there…was there an animal or something?"

I blinked hard, kept my eyes closed for a moment longer than necessary. Thought of the way Roger had studied me, laughed as he licked my blood from his lips. "Something like that," I muttered. Seeing the way Ralph's eyes widened in fear, I was quick to add, "Don't worry, though. I took care of it."

Ralph's expression changed to that of obvious relief. I forced a smile in hopes that he wouldn't call my bluff, that he would leave me alone. But he just stood there, looking nervous but composed, and I was openly staring, wondering if I might ever taste his lips again.

"One more thing," he said suddenly, words that made me jump a little. Amusement crept into Ralph's eyes, and I didn't like it one bit. "What were you dreaming about?"

A deep crimson blush spread across my cheeks, blurring my freckles. "Why?" I tried to sound nonchalant but my voice had risen a good two octaves.

A full blown smirk had taken over Ralph's face. "Because," he replied. "You kept saying my name."

Embarrassment was welling up inside me, making my skin has hot as the sun-scorched sand, or the fire he was so damn preoccupied with. "I was not," I protested, crossing my arms indignantly. I couldn't allow Ralph to see any weakness in me. He would use it against me, use it to keep all the others loyal to him.

I expected Ralph to argue, or at least try to tease it out of me. But he was just standing there with some glistening spark in his eyes, with moistened, parted lips. Every now and then he would push some hair from his face, some wispy blonde strands. "You were dreaming about me," he whispered. There was an edge of excitement in his hushed words. "Weren't you?"

I was torn between the desire to defend my dignity, and also to fall forward into him and feel his skin against my own. in the end it became impossible to ignore the way I was drawn to him. My own voice trembled as his fingers had, when he'd so softly moved them over me.

"Yes," I said, watching first surprise and then some empathy spill into his face. "I'm always dreaming of you, Ralph. I wish it wasn't true, but it is. You're consuming me, Ralph. You're driving me insane."

Ralph blinked slowly; a breeze ruffled the trees, set my fiery hair dancing around my slender shoulders. "Jack," he murmured, and my name had never sounded so sweet as it did when it fell from his lips. Then he was upon me, easing me up against a tree. His lips found my own, moving hungrily against them.

I was trapped between his lithe body and the tree, unaware of the pain I should've been feeling. Unaware of anything except the way Ralph's hands were straying over my body. I hated feeling out of control, thought, so I took the scene into my own hands. Giving Ralph a harsh shove, he tumbled to the ground with some shock. His mouth opened and closed a few times like he was searching for the words to say to me.

Before he got the chance I'd lowered myself to him, pinning his wrists beneath my hands, high above his head. The friction between our skin set the pit of my stomach ablaze. I brought my face down to kiss him even harder, quivering as he lay helplessly below me. Defenseless, and at my mercy.

"Jack," he moaned again. I could feel him against the inside of my thigh, pushing, begging. I bit gently at the delicate skin of his neck, eliciting a gasp of pleasure from within him. And it was wrong, so wrong, but it felt too perfect and everything was burning down in the raw passion of it all.

Before I completely lost myself to savage instincts, I rolled off of him. Panting for air, I lay on my back and stared up at the sky. Or what I could see of it. A few, still moments passed, silent except for the sounds of my breathing.

"Jack," Ralph spoke out. The ecstasy in his voice had been replaced by a quiet desperation. "Look at me." So I turned my head to see him only inches away, bruised lips and tangled hair.

"You're driving me crazy, too," he said. In spite of myself, I grinned, trying to hate him for the spell he'd put on me. Knowing how impossible that was.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Well, it seems I've pleased my readers with this story :DD This motivates me very much. I dont own LotF, but it certainly owns me. I'd like to pause and take a moment to dedicate this story to my muse, Sheridan. I love you sweetie, and always will. You will always be the Ralph to my Jack, even if I epically fail at sharpening pencils with knives. **

We went back to the beach together, fighting the urges to hold hands or tackle each other into the sand. I thought of my dreams, of how much I'd love to lay him down in the light of the sun. He was already so glowing, so golden.

The others were assembled there, doing what they did. I realized how very little I knew about them all. Even my own choir, who had been following me since forever. Piggy clutched at the conch when he saw me, like that stupid seashell could protect him against my spear. The look I gave him was deadly, but when I felt Ralph steal a glance at me, my expression became blank once again.

Roger was on his feet and at my side in seconds. I smiled a grim smile, begging him silently not to ask any questions or say anything too stupid. Ralph shifted nervously in the presence of the menacing boy. I noticed the rock Roger held in his hand, toying with its smooth surface. "Hi," he greeted me. I couldn't tell if he was trying to keep his voice empty or if that was just how he was.

I tried to satisfy him with a dismissive wave, still pushing on down the beach. I wanted nothing more than to revel in the feeling of Ralph at my side, before we were forced into our façade of dislike.

"Are you alright?" Roger pressed. "I thought we might go hunting in a while."

I turned on him with a fierce scowl, kicking up some sand in the process. "I'm fine, Roger," I sneered. "I'd like to take a swim, if it's alright with you. Do I need your permission? Would you like to guard over me so I don't drown?"

Some flicker of emotion broke through his apathetic mask. His bottom lip shook a little as the severity of my words cut him. I half-expected Ralph to step in, but the chief only stood by in an uncomfortable silence.

"Fuck off," Roger muttered, catching me off guard with his vile words. With his dark eyes transfixed on my own, Roger pulled back his hand and threw the rock, hard, just barely missing one of the littluns.

Ralph remained motionless as Roger sauntered off, long after I'd started towards the others again. He ran to catch up to me, grabbing roughly at my shoulder. I tried to shake him off, but his grip was too tight. He pushed down on the cuts left by Roger; I didn't know if he actually meant to hurt me or not. "You didn't need to be so vicious."

I stared at him impassively "Oh, he'll get over it. It's only Roger." Ralph didn't look very convinced, yet his grip softened and his gaze dropped to the ground.

"Sorry if I hurt you," he said, gentler and only for me to hear. "I just…I dunno. Maybe I just don't understand your relationship with him."

Relationship. That was definitely not a word I wanted associated with Roger. He was my friend, yes, and my loyal companion. But I'd never felt these shills when I was with him. I'd never wanted to feel him in my arms.

I decided my only option was to change the subject, get back in control of things. "Let's just go," I suggested, working hard to stay calm. "The others will get worried if you start hanging around with me."

Ralph raised his shoulders, as if to say he didn't care, but he was staring down the beach to where the group of boy was gathered. We started off, two shadows merging together in the light.

XXX

When the horizon had begun to swallow the sun, setting the ocean waves aglow, Ralph and Piggy took some of the littluns to the lagoon. "It'll be good for them," Ralph announced to the rest of us, though I was fairly sure he just needed some time alone to discuss things.

I watched them idly as they disappeared, an army of little kids trailing behind them. Then I was on my own again, because Roger hadn't ever come back, and Samneric were tending the fire. The rest of the hunter tried to get a laugh out of me by dancing around like we did; I barely acknowledged their existence.

They soon grew bored of attempting to make me smile, going off in all directions with their spears and war cries. Completely on my own at last, I lay down onto my back in the sand. It was warm and soothing, making it easy to close my eyes. I might have even fallen asleep, if not for the sudden sound of footsteps.

Groaning, I flipped onto my stomach, buried my head and hoped whoever it was wouldn't notice me.

To no prevail. A bit of sand landed onto my back and bare arms as the person dropped down next to me. "Hullo," came an overly cheerful voice. Couldn't he tell that this was a catastrophe? Couldn't he feel my need to be alone?

I peeked out at the face through my fingers, saw Simon smiling merrily. In his hands he held a little blue flower. Beautiful, in its way, just starting to open up. "Isn't it pretty?" He asked, noticing me stare at its petals. "I thought I'd give it to Ralph."

Of course he did. Everyone loved Ralph; he was practically the epitome of salvation. Never mind that I'd looked after Simon when he would faint on our choir trips. Never mind that at all.

A surge of anger rose up in me. I sat up much too fast, causing a wave of dizziness to descend upon me. Clutching at my head, I suppressed a moan of pain.

Simon frowned a little, watching me with much more intentness than someone his age should have possessed. "Here," he said quietly, passing me the little flower. "I want you to have it instead."

No matter how I tried to fight it off, a tiny smile spread over my lips. Since no one was around to see, I allowed myself to ruffle his hair.

"Jack," Simon said in his small, soft voice. I cocked my head, angling my body so as to better face him. "Do you think we'll ever go home?"

His words stung me deeply. We'd all worked hard to pretend this was some big adventure, a game we'd all win if we just listened to Ralph with his pretty shell. "I don't know," I told him honestly. "I don't know."

Simon's shoulders slumped a little. I twisted the flower around by its stem. "Well, then, do you suppose you could sing to me? Like you used to sing to us back home?"

I stared out at the sea for a long time, enchanted by the lulling of the waves. I knew I had to seem fearless and in control, because that was what everyone expected. But we were alone, this little boy and I. so I pulled his head down into my lap, stroked his hair gently, and sang the only lullaby I could really remember.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Uhmm, I don't have anything clever to say, guys. Thanks for everyone who is still reading :DD Usual disclaimer, still don't own LotF.**

The island was starting to get to me. Perhaps it was the heat, or the hypnotizing roar of the ocean. Maybe it was the way my lips tingled, even still, with the memory of Ralph's kiss.

Long after the sun had fallen victim to the grip of night, I remained on the beach, in the same spot. When the waves came in, they soaked my bare feet, then danced away and left me along again.

"Jack."

The sound of my name drew me out of myself. Tilting my head back without ever shifting position, I saw Ralph coming. Hell he was just as alluring upside down. When he was close enough, he sat down next to me, hugging himself tightly. I wished it was my arms wrapped around him, instead of his own.

"We need to talk," Ralph said then, which was never a great way to start a conversation. My heart skipped a beat inside me, but I kept up the mask of composure.

"You don't have the conch," I teased, thinking it might lighten the mood. But Ralph just sat there with his pale green eyes and his blonde hair hanging in them, rocking a little like he'd already started to lose his mind. "Fine," I gave in. "What do we need to talk about?"

Ralph was going out of his way not to look me in the eyes. Something like fear pulsed in me, and no matter how I tried to deny it wasn't there, it still swelled up and consumed me.

"Jack," he started, then cut off abruptly as if he couldn't quite find the words. "This..this _thing_ going on between us. I don't know what it is, but it scares me." Another pause. I dug my fingers deep into the sand, clawing, clawing. "It isn't…we shouldn't feel like-"

Before another word was able to escape, I leapt upon him, pinning him into the sand. Ralph gasped out, perhaps in pain but mainly from shock, as I grabbed him by a tangle of hair. "Don't you dare say we shouldn't feel this!" I hissed, my face right against his, lips just barely separated by a breath of sticky ocean air.

Ralph's eyes were wide in some twisted combination of terror and something else. Lust, maybe. A sick desire of some sort. It brought a grim smile to my mouth, but it was gone even sooner than it had appeared.

"Don't," I whispered, and now my lips were actually touching his, our bodies pressed together everywhere possible. "Don't say that."

Ralph dared to fist his own small hands into my hair, holding me in place against him. A thousand fires burned in those eyes, brighter than his rescue fire ever would. The words he spoke, when at last he did, sent shivers down my spine.

"You need me, Jack Merridew."

Every fiber of my being screamed out against him and his words. I didn't need him, didn't need anybody. I was Jack Merridew; I was better on my own.

But even as I thought those things, I knew they weren't true. I did need him, whether I loved it or hated it or wanted it at all. Only, the remains of my pride wouldn't let me say all that, so all I did was close the last of the distance between us and kiss him with more force than ever before.

Ralph's lips parted beneath my own, for the first time, allowing our tongues to meet in a savage dance. We were battling for dominance, because some things never changed.

A moan emitted from deep within him as I raked my sharp and broken nails down his chest. Ralph's own hands were clasped together behind my back, keeping him pressed to me. holding him down by the shoulders, I moved my lips sloppily down his neck, across his collar. Ralph just kept shaking and everything was moving so fast, but I was groaning as I worked my way all over his chest.

Soon I had reached the place where his fragile hips so violently jutted from his skin. Ralph's breathing had become erratic. I was scared and dazed and unsure what came next, whether I should keep going or not. I lifted my head to meet Ralph's eyes, a silent inquiry of what to do.

But it wasn't Ralph whose gaze synchronized with my own. No, it was someone else, standing where the jungle gave way to the crystalline shores of the beach. He stared on with corpse-like eyes, and then Roger turned and ran away.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Ahh, so things are going to get interesting. And only I know what's happening cuz I wrote it. Hahah! Anywhoo, I have no rights to LotF, but I am getting a tattoo that says 'Kill the Beast'. This excites me. **

"Roger!" I screamed after him, scrambling to my feet. I only ended up tripping over Ralph, falling back to my knees. The sand that flew up from the impact sent me into a fit of coughs.

Ralph sat up beside me, pushing his hair out of his face like always. His fingers came up to draw calming circles over my back, but I rolled away from him. "Don't touch me," I snapped. Nausea built up inside at the way he looked at me, tears rimming his childlike eyes.

Everything was crumbling in around me. I could practically smell smoke consuming the island. Biting on the insides of my cheeks to keep from screaming out, I looked up to Ralph. The blonde sighed, and I had never heard such a heartrending, broken sound. "Go after him," Ralph uttered. "We both know you want to."

There were a few seconds of hesitation, in which I found myself torn between two immense emotions. Then I crawled over and kissed him on the lips. Unlike before, this was slow and full of passion. Ralph arched his back towards me, so I bit down onto his lip a little. "I do need you," I murmured to him. "Do you hear me, Ralph? I need you."

And then I left him, breaking off into a run, leaving the beach behind me.

XXX

The jungle had never seemed so vast, so intimidating. I was sprinting, tearing through the trees and branches. Screaming out Roger's name without any reply. I became one with the world around me, a blur racing through the shadows. There was a clearing not too far ahead; I quickened my pace to reach it.

Just as I emerged into the clearing, something came out and collided with my stomach. A grunt sounded from my lips as I fell to the ground from the impact.

Roger appeared above me, a perfect darkness to blot out the sun. He was holding his spear like it was his life support, grimacing as he touched the pointed tip with each finger. I watched him flinch as some blood rose to the surface of his skin. Then he knelt down next to me and rubbed the blood across my lips.

"What are you doing?" I sputtered, though it was difficult to talk with his slender fingers darting in and out of my mouth.

"Where's your mask, Merridew?" Roger asked with an airy voice of innocence, smearing his thumb over my cheek. I could almost feel the blood seeping into my pores, becoming a part of me. "You're looking sort of scared."

"Roger," I pleaded, trying to reason with him. Hating how weak I sounded, hating the fact that I was not at his mercy. "What you saw was-"

"Don't you say nothing!" He cried; suddenly the spear was at my chest, between my ribs. I felt myself tense up as he drew the tip slowly over my skin. "Don't you fucking lie to me, Jack." For the first time since we'd landed on this godforsaken island, I saw the acid in his eyes go away. Roger appeared more like a child than most of the littluns. And it hurt me to see him like that. It cut me more than his spear ever could.

Roger dropped the spear, then, falling back onto his hands so I could no longer see his face. With only the slightest hesitation, I sat up, wincing at the pain. Roger's eyes were fixed up at the sky, but something told me that he was even further away than that.

"Okay," I said softly. "Okay, Roger. I wont lie." He looked back to me with red-rimmed eyes, using all he had in him not to break down and cry. I could tell; not so very long ago I'd been doing the same. But Ralph had been there to pull me through.

Well, no one was here to pull Roger through, not a single person on this island. So I closed the space between us and crushed him against me in a hug, because I was the only one there to save him and sometimes words just didn't matter.

Even though he'd never admit it, and I'd never tell a soul, a few hot tears spilled from his eyes onto my shoulder. When at last Roger straightened out, dabbing at his eyes with the backs of his hands, he was all fury and fierceness again.

"This changes everything, you know," he told me stiffly. I noticed him reaching for his spear, but I was able to get to it first, tossing it out into the depths of the jungle. Just in case.

"It doesn't have to," I replied, sounding more like Ralph than I'd have thought possible. Roger only let out a cold, cruel laugh.

"Oh, Jack, how naïve you still are," he murmured, which sort of got to me since he was younger than me. He was talking more to himself than me anyway, and the tone he used froze the blood in my veins straight through. He rose to his feet, retreating to pick up his spear.

"You had better keep an eye on your lover, Jack," he sneered, bending to dig his spear our from the brush. "Because if I find him alone…" His maniacal laughter swallowed up the rest of his words.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Grab your Kleenex, guys. Just saying. If I DID own LotF, I'd find a way to make them all come to life, and keep them locked up in my closet. Yeah. **

I had never run so fast in all my life as I did running back to the beach. The smell of the smoke led my way, pushing me on until my adrenaline had peaked. I didn't know where I was, if the sun was down or not. I only knew that I had to find Ralph.

When I broke from the forest, I spotted the tribe right away. They had gathered round their massive fire, squealing and dancing like little animals. Ralph stood upon the platform, hovering over them with a warped smile upon his face. Like he wanted to be happy, but somehow just couldn't find it in him.

"Jack1 Jack!" One of the littluns cried, rushing over, pulling at my hand. "Roger brought us food, and now we're to have a feast!"

Venom rose up in me, but I managed to keep myself together. Roger might try to steal everything from me, but he would not take my pride. And I would die before he'd ever get to Ralph.

"Jack," Ralph breathed some relief as I climbed up next to him. The snapping of the fire and playful shouts of the kids were all we could hear, forming a cadence around us. I noticed Piggy slumped in the sand, cleaning his half-broken glasses mechanically. He did not look at Ralph or I. Samneric were jumping gleefully with the others, except for Simon who seemed to be missing again. Roger was off to the side, the place where the light didn't quite reach, gutting a pig with quiet determination. He looked up and grinned at me, once, but I pretended not to see.

"What happened?" Ralph whispered. His hand rested lightly on the small of my back, hidden by the smoke and shadows. "When you talked to Roger?"

I shivered involuntarily at the sound of that name. "Nothing," I lied. "He's going to keep it a secret." Ralph exhaled a sigh, making me feel even lower. My hunter instincts were on edge, taking in every tiny thing around us. I hated having to lie to him, even if it was for his own good. There was simply no way I could tell him the truth, not if I wanted to keep him safe.

When Roger was done, he commanded a few of the choir boys, my choir, to place the pig into the fire. He stood in a graceful motion, arms coated to his elbows with sticky red blood. It glowed in the flickering light that surrounded us. "Now then," he said, loud enough to get everyone's attention. I felt Ralph's hand clench against me in irritation. Because he was supposed to be their leader. Not me, and certainly not Roger. Him.

The littluns kept on screaming, though, ignoring him completely. It might have brought a satisfied smile to my lips, if not for the way his eyes gleamed like he was the Devil himself. Strutting over to where Piggy sat, Roger ripped the conch from his lap. Piggy tried to protest, but knew he was no match for Roger's animalistic instincts, and fell silent again. Blowing into the pink shell was unfitting for Roger. Ralph glanced at me nervously, like maybe he thought I might have given the commands for this scene.

But I was dreading it just as much as the blonde, swallowing hard as the tribe grew quiet and gathered around Roger. Since he had the conch, he became the flame, and they were all but moths in his presence. The laughing and dancing and playing stopped. Hell, the whole world stopped, and I wanted nothing more than to cling to Ralph. But I knew that I couldn't, not with everyone here and Roger looking so eager.

"Listen to me," he commanded. The rest of the threat went unspoken. We all knew what Roger was capable, me more than anyone. "I'd like to make a toast." The others cried out in giddiness; it was all so _sophisticated_.

"Roger," I whispered. Or maybe only thought I did, because no sound passed through my lips. Ralph shot me a look that depicted all of his fear. I reached up behind him for his hand. It was the only comfort I could offer.

Roger brushed some black hair away from his face, streaking the blood over his forehead. He'd left a row of perfect, red fingerprints along the conch, tainting its innocence and all that it stood for. I'd always hated the damn thing, hated Ralph's absolute need for order. Now I was missing it desperately, and everything around me was spinning.

"To our honest, ever faithful leader." Roger's eyes fell heavy upon Ralph. Everything about him was sneering, from the way he stood with his hip jutting out to the way he was smirking ever so deviously. And I was thinking that not so long ago I had been the enemy, and now I was grasping my foe's hand as tightly as I could. Terrified to let it go.

"I know we've been stuck here for some time now," he went on. "And we're all getting so very _close_." Here a few of the littluns giggled, turning to hug whoever was closest to them, whether they knew them or not. "But our number one concern should be getting us all home safely."

A murmur broke out through the crowd of boys. Some frowned, because this was Roger, who just wanted to hunt and kill and do whatever I told him. Most just looked confused, but probably for the same reason. Ralph pressed his chin into my shoulder. "I don't like this, Jack," he said into my ear, tingling my skin there as his lips brushed it.

Roger raised his knife above his head. The blade was still soaked with the blood of the fallen animal. "Silence!" He screamed. He might have even competed with my own authoritarian voice. When all had hushed again, Roger continued with every confidence in the world.

"But if some of us were to get…closer than others, start putting their own desire before the need of all of us." I swear Roger was staring right at me, through me, when he spoke. Ralph was quivering at my side, hopelessly clutching my hand because I was all he had left. All of their gazes kept flickering from us to Roger, like they weren't quite sure what to do.

"Come on, now. Why don't we tell the others our little secret?" Roger mocked. "We wouldn't want anyone on the island to get hurt, would we, Ralph? Jack?"

Now all the tribe was watching us, waiting for the words we simply couldn't find. Piggy's eyes were wide as he took in Ralph's every move. My Ralph. I felt my fingers tighten around his own. Even now, especially now, I needed to be strong enough for the both of us. "Look," Ralph started, at the same time I shouted every curse I could think to at Roger. "We didn't… I mean, we-"

Well, Ralph never got to tell them what we did or didn't do, or make up whatever pathetic excuse he would, because at that moment a darkened figure came stumbling forth from the jungle, shouting incoherencies as it approached. At once the group disbanded, screaming and running in every direction. The flames twisted from the sudden motions; I thought I heard a few littluns cry out "Beastie!"

Roger let out a feral snarl, waving his knife aimlessly in our direction. Then he turned away from us, towards the figure. The tribe had formed a sort of circle around it, blocking it in, chanting our traditional hunting cry. "C'mon," I urged, pulling Ralph after me. We disappeared into the jungle just as Roger's blade drove into Simon's chest.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Wow, this chappie is really long. Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews. I am glad to be satisfying everyone's need for Ralph and Jack :DD They are rather irresistible together…. Don't own LotF, but I do own a really neat drawing I did of them. I wish there was a graphic novel of this book…**

Sleep, as expected, did not come. For most of the night I lay propped against a tree, Ralph's shallow breath teasing my neck and chest. Every few seconds I thought I heard footsteps, the snap of a branch of the erratic breathing of Roger.

"He's going to kill us," Ralph said bluntly, when at last he spoke. The moonlight just barely managed to puncture through the trees; I'd almost thought the blonde boy to be asleep. "We're going to die."

"At least we'll die together," I replied, slight irritation tracing the words. I needed Ralph to stay Ralph, to be calm and logical. I could admit that I wasn't always the most rational, and that I had a history of putting myself first. But now there was Ralph to think of too. Ralph to keep safe.

He rolled over without ever pulling himself out of my lap, out of my arms. With his mournful eyes fixed on me, it was easier to let myself believe this would all work out. Like maybe we'd wake up still on the damned plane, and we'd go running to the pilot to turn around, anything but crash into this abandoned wreck of land. Ralph's lips grazed against my bare skin.

"If we're going to die," he whispered, nearly inaudibly, "I want…I mean, I need-"

I quieted him with a soft kiss, ensnaring my hands into his hair. As our movements and touches became rougher, I yanked him closer to me by the hair, causing him to cry out in pain. We were swept up in the moment, the rawness of our bodies, our hips grinding against each other. Ralph drew his fingertips down my back, clutching to me.

It must have been an hour that I held him there, stealing kisses and laughing quietly as his hands explored my body with some uncertainty. Every so often I'd tease him with my own caresses, and I'd revel in the way he shivered beneath my touch. It was like something straight out of my dreams, right down to the way he hummed my name, begged me for more.

Soon Ralph had rolled away from me, his face half concealed by the wild grass as he settled onto his stomach. I slid my body up next to his, planted a trail of kisses across his shoulder blades.

"I love you," he whispered. There was a pain in the words, like he was terrified he'd laid his heart on the line and I would only drive a stake through it.

Bringing my lips right up against his ear, I bit down lightly on the delicate skin there. "I love you too, Ralph." There. All of my demons were released at last. Ralph let out a shaky breath, angling his face so that his mouth collided with mine once more.

And the rest of the night was a blur.

XXX

"Ralph. Ralph, wake up."

I refused to open my eyes. I was safe in my bed, wrapped up in overdramatic sheets.

"Ralph. Jack." Someone shoved me hard in the shoulder. And then I remembered, remembered everything. The island and the fire and the tribe. Roger, standing strong with his sharpened spear. Ralph, laying vulnerable beside me. I remembered that I was supposed to die today, and I just couldn't bring myself to care.

My instincts kicking in, I dragged Ralph closer to me, not particularly concerned if I woke him or not. My vision came into focus upon Piggy, blinking at the two of us from behind his glasses. The jungle was silent around us, save the calls of a few unseen birds.

"Piggy," Ralph blinked sleepily, greeting his closest friend with some relief. All the while I stroked his blonde hair, ran my fingers through the snarled strands. "Piggy, what's happened?"

The boy glanced around with evident anxiety, like he was scared someone might be listening. "Roger ki- killed Simon," he choked out. The weight of the words became too much; he dropped down next to us. Ralph patted him on the arm gently. "All the kids are following him now. It's utter chaos. The fire's dying out, and- and-"

When Piggy's sorrowful eyes landed on me, I couldn't stop myself from flinching away from him. Ralph felt my body shift underneath him, adjusting himself accordingly. "Is it true?" Piggy asked quietly. "What Roger told us all?"

I didn't say anything, because he was Ralph's friend and so Ralph should handle it. I offered what support I could, caressing his shoulders and down his back.

"Yes," Ralph told him eventually. His voice was impossible to read. "Yes, Piggy, it's true. Me and Jack are…did…"

It was all he had time to say. A war cry pierced through the silence, causing us all to jump. "Shit," I muttered, shoving Ralph from my lap as I scrambled to my feet,. I pulled both Ralph and Piggy up. "Ralph, you have to hide."

But he only stood there, grasping my hand as hard as he could. "I'm not going without you," he said indignantly.

I let out a tiny sigh, leaning into him, breathing him in. He just crushed his body against me, pressing his lips to my collarbone, my jaw. Finally my lips collided with his, and it was everything a kiss ever should be. Ralph's hands cupped my face, thumbs pressing into the ski of my cheeks. "You…have to…" I panted between kisses. Ralph broke away without letting me go. "I can take care of myself," I assured him, some of my old arrogance sneaking into my voice.

Another scream sounded, much closer than the last. Ralph whispered that he loved me as he let me go, and then he ran into the jungle, disappearing into the shadows.

I stared after him longingly for but a moment, and then it was like clockwork. As if on que, roger strolled into the clearing. He was alone. In his hands he held his spear, and the blood was dried over his face. Piggy whimpered beside me; I shot him a look of pure annoyance. I didn't want to be responsible for him, not with the way Roger was positively gleaming.

When there was only a few inches between us, Roger came to a stop. He crossed his arms over his bare chest and scowled up at me. "Go back to the littluns, Piggy," he spat without ever looking away from me. "I don't want to have to kill you too."

It was all the warning he needed. Besides, it wasn't as if he owe me anything. I had only ever tried to hurt him, tried to tear him apart. He gave me one last look before scurrying off as fast as his fat legs would let him. Something in that look told me that he was counting on me to keep Ralph safe.

We stood perfectly still for a long time, tensed shoulders as we stared each other down. Every so often my gaze would flicker to the spear in his grasp. Waiting for him to stab me straight through.

"Roger," I said at last, slowly, deliberately. Tried to catch some emotion in those depthless gray eyes, but there was nothing. "You don't have to do this."

"Of course I do!" He cried, sounding more like the child he was. I almost expected him to stamp his feet in tantrum. I noticed how his ribs poked through his skin, even with all the hunting we'd done. He would always appear as a corpse. "You were supposed to be mine, Jack."

In spite of it all, I scoffed at his words. It was almost easy to fall back into an old pattern of things, where I was in charge and Roger looked on with adoration. "I was never going to feel that way for you," I told him. And a hurt rose up in his face, but Roger concealed it quickly behind his mask of anger. Fury.

With a savage scream he lunged at me, pinning me against a nearby tree. His little fingers pressed into my throat, hard enough to make me gasp out. "Why, Jack?" He shouted in my face. "Why couldn't it be me?"

Frantically I tried to push him away, to free myself. But I couldn't. "Because," I choked, strangled words, "I cant, Roger. I cant love anyone except him"

With that he released me, and I fell to my knees, gasping for air. I raised my gaze, so dripping with venom, to meet his own. I refused to believe that it could end like this. I was Jack Merridew. I never, ever lost.

"It's exhausting, you know," Roger drawled, walking around me, kneeling down in from of me. "Always getting what you want." I knew what was coming next, my heart pounding as fear roared within me. Roger lifted his spear a little.

In a sudden flash of motion, I threw my body into him, tackling him down. Roger grunted as my shoulder collided with his chest, sending him sprawling amidst the creepers and brush. All but literally pouncing on him with animalistic strength, I held him down by the upper arms. Roger tried to flail against me, but I was bigger and stronger than him.

But Roger would never stop fighting back. I supposed that, in that way, he was more like me than anyone else on the island. There was a fire that would fuel him till the death. A flame that drove him mad.

"You'll never win!" He cried out, like even still this was all some big game. Even with Simon's blood soaking his hands, traced over his face. Roger ripped at my hair till I screamed; using my vulnerability he flipped me over onto my back.

Roger laughed, for now he had the upper hand again. The edges of my vision were blurred with red, my mind tainted with the image of Ralph. I didn't know where he was, if he was okay. That thought alone was enough to drive me to my own insanity.

So I did the only thing I could think to do. Because sometimes we had to deal with the pain, in order to end up stronger. "Roger," I shrieked, loud enough to get his attention. It was just enough to buy me some time. Seconds, really, if that. Then I pulled his face down to mine, and kissed him.

It didn't take long for Roger to melt into me. For a moment it was like none of it had happened, like I'd never woken up to Ralph's golden face above me. Roger dug his nails into the skin of my chest, down and across my sides. My tongue grazed against his teeth, and we rolled over in the grass so that I was on top again.

I broke the kiss long enough to whisper his name once more. My fingers were grasping blindly around me, searching, searching. Until they collided with it. It seemed to weigh more than it ever had, a dark certainty held in my grasp.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, and our eyes were both still closed. I wasn't sure if I was really sorry or not, actually. Roger's eyes flew open as I sat up, but before he could react, I forced the spear straight into his stomach.

A horrible gasp left his lips, hands flying up to clutch to himself. Already blood had started to pour forth from the wound. Roger opened his mouth as if he would speak, but no sound came. My hands were still gripping the spear, knuckles white against my skin. A tear slipped from the corner of Roger's eye, and then they were lifeless as ever, once and for all.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This is the edited version of this chappie, just so you all are aware :))  
><strong>

**A/N: The last chappie…tear. This makes me sad. I cant say for sure when I'll post again because I have to finish my next novel by January.. Thanks to everyone who read this story; it really means a lot. I do not own Lord of the Flies, but I am ordering a custom tee shirt that says 'It's a Jack thing'. I have no life. **

The ocean breeze had never felt so refreshing. I hadn't quite emerged from the jungle yet, but I was near enough that I could see the glistening sand of the beaches. "Ralph!" My voice was shaking with panic. I needed to fin him _now_, right now. I didn't think I could handle another second away from him.

"Jack." A croaked whisper broke through the dull roar the island always seemed to give off. I whirled around towards the sound of the voice, and there he was, lying in the grass and mud with his arms wrapped around himself. I was at his side in seconds, dropping down, running my hands all across his lithe body.

"Jack, what happened?" Ralph asked me, trying to sit up. But he only gasped out in pain and fell back down, bounding against the ground.

"I...I tripped," Ralph muttered, gripping my arm tightly, leaving fingerprints I my skin. "My ankle." I followed his gaze down his leg, choking at little at the unnatural angle at which it was bent. It was clearly broken. Ralph winced as I tried to touch it, then outright cried in all his agony. Hot tears spilled down his cheeks. Sighing a little, I used my thumb to wipe them away.

"We have to go," he groaned. "Roger..."

"I killed him," I whispered, the severity of the words hitting me full on. Roger was dead. I had killed him. Oh, God...

Ralph did not speak, just watched me with a pained expression that shattered my heart on impact. I felt the sting of tears welling up in my eyes, but fought hard to keep them from breaking free. "Oh, Jack," he murmured. With gentle fingers fisted in my wildly tangled red hair, Ralph pulled me down to him in a delicate kiss. My hands on either side of his face, I let myself fall into the moment, moaning as I slipped my tongue into his mouth. Ralph bit down lightly on the tip, pulled away and giggled.

"Ouch," I said, but there was no conviction. And I was grinning too, because nothing, no one could stand between us. It's exhausting, Roger had said, always getting what you want. But I had never felt more awake, more alive. Leaping to my feet with some of that savagery I'd never quite lose, I smirked down at Ralph.

"You're so damn adorable when you're helpless," I told him. Then I scooped him up into my arms, held him to my chest, and started off towards the platform.

XXX

We'd barely stepped into view of the others when they started calling us. I clutched to Ralph, carrying him with ease. One of the hunters reached us first, and he was holding in his hands a little blue flower.

"Something's happened," he murmured quietly. "Something bad. I can feel it."

I was in no mood for, well, anyone. "Go blow the conch," I commanded, glancing at Ralph to see if he might interject. He was obviously too distracted by his pain. "We're calling an assembly." The hunter nodded, absently, like maybe he hadn't really heard me. Placing the flower on Ralph's bare chest, he hurried away. I could only shake my head, because nothing around here ever made any sense.

Ralph wrapped his fingers around the stem with a small smile, as if somehow it eased the pain. "How are you doing?" he asked a little breathlessly. I couldn't quite believe he was actually worried about me, when he was the one with a broken ankle.

"Fine," I assured him. Ralph wiped at some blood clinging to my chest; I hadn't even noticed it was there. Roger's blood, probably. A slight pang went through my heart.

When we reached the platform, I laid Ralph upon the sand, smoothing his fair hair away from his face. As he cried out against the pain in his ankle, I ran my fingertips gently over his chest, tracing circles over all the curves and contours. "Shh," I murmured. "I'll take care of you."

But by then the others were gathering around, and a hunter was holding the conch out to me like it bore the weight of the world. I took it from him, silently smiling my thanks. I hovered at Ralph's side, resisting all urges to clutch his fragile body to me. Running my eyes over the crowd in a headcount, I cleared my throat and rose to my feet. "Ralph's been hurt," I told the others. A series of emotions played out on their dirty faces. Some fear, some worry. Piggy stared with wide eyes at the blonde boy, and I felt a chill rush through my veins. "He cant walk, cant even move. So I-"

To my great surprise, Ralph cut me off. My mouth opened and closed a few times, like I wanted to remind him that I had the conch but just couldn't. "Jack is going to be in charge till I get better," he said. That caused a full uproar to break out. I tried to pick apart what they were saying, but in the end only stood in silence. For once I had nothing to say.

"Hey!" Ralph shouted to silence the bunch, then lay back down as he cringed. I watched him nervously from the corner of my eye. The boys around us closed their mouths.

"There's one more thing," I said softly. My gaze dropped to the ground, taking in the grains of sand and feeling even smaller. "I, um...I mean, we... Roger's dead. And I was thinking we could maybe have a sort of burial for him, because he truly was my best friend."

I looked down at Ralph, and he was smiling. And even though it looked kind of painful it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. "That sounds really nice," he said. I knew he meant it, and that meant perhaps more to me than anything else ever had. Setting down the conch, I couldn't stop myself from laughing. It had turned hysterical by the time I knelt beside him, pulling him to me in a sort of hug. And even though everyone was watching, I didn't care. We were here; we were alive and together.

Ralph laughed along as he hugged me back, his hot breath tickling my ear. "I love you, Jack."

Pulling away enough to look him in the eyes, vibrant blue against pale green, I smiled. When I spoke, it was loud enough for everyone to hear me. "I love you too, Ralph. I love you too."

Our island paradise had never seemed so beautiful.

END


End file.
